Bully or Bullied?

Patrick is suspended from his before and after school program for 4 days.  He's lucky he wasn't expelled because he'd been warned,  but the director decided to just suspend.  Thank God. I don't know what I'd do if he was kicked out.

So here's what happened. The kids were playing a game similar to dodge ball and Patrick got upset because it was supposed to be his turn. He felt helpless and so pushed the other boy down.  He was made to sit out but he was really angry. He hit the wall several times and kicked the table.

About 15 minutes later the counselors heard a really loud scream.  Patrick took down the kid who screamed and almost broke his arm.

Patrick's explanation was the other boy had screamed in his ear and scratched him twice in the belly. At the time I said that my problem was how he himself had acted and the director and I had a long talk with him.

He's grounded for 2 days, which may not sound like much but he has to stay in his room. He doesn't normally spend time in there but he hates being grounded. He will also be visiting his therapist.

I've been thinking, though, about what the other boy did.  If Patrick was scratched twice on his belly along with a loud scream in the ear, was he bullied first?  The other boy is an antagonist anyway. He did something to Patrick whether you want to label it general rough housing or attacking. Even if Patrick wasn't already upset about the game, he would have reacted in some way although I pray not as violently.  I'd really like to see if there's video in that room.

I'd also like to reiterate to the director that from now on I'd like the counselor to referee the game instead of sitting off to the side in her own world. You have 1st through 5th graders playing a game where you throw a ball at each other. Some of them throw waaaay too hard. Luckily my kid doesn't throw well so we should be ok there.

Patrick is worried about attending middle school because he doesn't want to be bullied. Did this factor in to his reaction? Does he have some deep anger issues because he hasn't seen his dad in 6 years?

Comments are welcome. I'm going to go find some chocolate.

War and Peace

The War

I've decided to write this particular post as a therapy for my anger.  I'm just steaming right now.  I'm trying to remember the good stuff, and I will, but I'm reveling in the anger.

Patrick is in piano lessons.  He missed class just about 2 weeks ago and they started a new song.  Because he wasn't there for instruction, he doesn't know about the high-A (high-La).  I explained it last night but he insisted that it was middle C (middle-Doh).  Tonight he was arguing that it was high G (high-So), even though I showed him the progression, right there in black and white, to La.  Nope.  It's So.

I gave up and went to one of the songs we've been doing for about 3 weeks.  With enough practice, he'd be with the rest of the class on this.  We've been remiss in practicing because time just flies by.  With the amount of time it takes for school homework and the time it takes him to eat, I feel that the kid should have at least half an hour of free time a night!  But I digress!

The Dinosaur is a song he really got into, probably because it's in A Minor.  And it's about a dinosaur.  But he wasn't with the class when they started practicing the right hand, which includes eighth rests with eighth notes.  And he stumbled with it because it's new.  In my attempts to get him to sing the notes etc, he got mad.  He was leaning on the keyboard, which wobbles because he already weakened the stand by placing his feet on it.  And when I told him to stop, we got into a discussion about how upset I'd be if he broke a $350 keyboard.  He asked how much the stand was and I said it was probably $40.  He sneered at that and said it was a piece of crap.

I quit.  Go to bed.  I'm done with you for the day. 

It's all about the attitude.  The disrespect he's been showing everybody.  The problems he'll be facing in 4th grade if he keeps this up.

<breathe deep>

The Peace

The other day when we got to the YMCA for his before-school care, he was putting on his backpack when a little old lady was behind him.  I was going to chastise him, but he wasn't that close to hitting her, so I let it lie.  He pushed the button to open the automatic doors, then he moved over to open and hold the other door for the little old lady.  Then he did it again for the second set. 

I was so proud!

The Conclusion

I guess there's some hope for him.  I think instead of doing a swear jar (that includes the sarcastic terms "really" and "seriously"), maybe we should do a disrespect jar. At least then I'd feel like I wasn't on the losing end! 

Broken Trust

Patrick's grounded for breaking my trust this morning.  My rule is that he's not allowed to go outside or to a neighbor's house while I'm sleeping.  He woke up at 6, and around 7:45 I woke up because the cat was pawing at my door.  I never latch the door, so I know Patrick had been around.  I called to him to open the door (so I wouldn't have to move my lazy, don't-want-to-get-up-yet butt out of bed).  When he didn't answer, I went looking for him.  I found him next door.  He's now grounded for a week.

Grounding in my house means he has to spend the time on his bed when he's home.  He can have one  non-electronic toy and as many books as he wants.  I don't really think it makes much of an impression on him though.  He makes all kinds of excuses to come out.  Water.  Toilet.  Hugs.  Food.  More food.  More food.  What's that on tv....Let's go to baseball practice, time for tutoring!  Music class is tonight!

Unfortunately, at some point today, he manged to get my good scissors.  And he cut up a pencil, his deodorant, and the stem from his deodorant.  Then he carved on the bed's headboard.  It's a good thing he was brushing his teeth when I found out because I was able to calm down a bit.  I sat there waiting for him, looking at the toys scattered on the floor.

What the heck was I doing while he was so busy?!  I mean, I watched tv, I made rice pudding, I was on the computer for a bit.  Seriously though.  Is my Mom Radar broken?!

Well, I explained to Patrick that he broke my trust this morning and it's important that he follow that rule because it's a safety issue.  Then I explained that in the 40 years my headboard has been around, I never, ever carved it with scissors.  To make more of an impression, I told him that the next day would be spent in the corner while he's home.  Somewhere I can keep track of him, but where he can't watch tv.  Maybe in the kitchen.  Is it good or bad that he has school and then tutoring tomorrow?  It'll be about an hour or so in the corner.  I haven't decided if he'll eat supper there.  I suppose I'd better have him sit at the table.  <sigh>


Lazy Single Mom

p.s. He'll clean up the bits of deodorant all over the floor once it dries a bit.  Hopefully it won't smear.  The cleaning ladies have another 28 days before they come again.  Oy.