Dealing with the Ex: Mr. Visitation Avoider

When the ex and I first split up, we had a temporary visitation schedule.  It was the standard one, where the non-custodial parent gets Patrick every other weekend plus every Wednesday. (I think every Wednesday.  Maybe every other?)

Patrick was one year old.  Mr. VA couldn't handle it.  I started keeping track of his lack of ability to take the kid, even long enough to do my shopping!  He'd forget or cancel for various reasons, including his daughter this or his girlfriend that or his work the other.

We kept the same schedule for the divorce decree.  It wasn't much better afterwards, but at least it was only for a few months.

Due to reasons I can't yet go into, visitation was curtailed by the courts.  Mr. VA was allowed one hour, supervised visits only.  Thankfully our town has an official visitation center.  Michael would meet me when I came in the front door, and he'd use his keycard to take Patrick to a room where Mr. VA was waiting.  Mr. VA had to come in a back door and not have any contact with me, or with Patrick outside of the room.  (Although a few times we saw each other outside.  He couldn't seem to remember to park in the back of the building!)

Visits went well.  I was hating Mr. VA at the time, so I didn't like hearing Patrick laughing.  But it was ok because Michael was watching and taking notes for the judge.
Eventually the judge handed down his decision and there was no more visitation.  The last time Mr. VA saw Patrick in person was when Patrick was three.  It's been six years now.

It's hard for Patrick because he doesn't have a dad.  He doesn't do Father's Day.  He can't go play catch with his dad.  He sees other kids with their dad.  He hears talk about the dads.

Patrick eventually started thinking that his dad hates him.  His dad doesn't "want" to see him.  I started thinking maybe I'd let them talk on the phone.  It seemed relatively harmless and I would be supervising.  It made me Mad As HeII though.  Patrick's therapist was ok with it.  So they started talking.

I allowed Sunday evenings only.  But Mr. VA can't keep to that.  And he keeps calling after he knows Patrick is in bed.  And then he'll text to ask when he can talk again.  Seriously?  I said Sunday evenings!

Eventually Patrick realized he didn't know where his dad lived and didn't know what he looked like.  And eventually the therapist suggested Skype.

That's borderline against the judge's order.  The phone was bad enough.  Skype?!  Fine. ok.

Mr. VA enjoys seeing his son.  Patrick enjoys seeing his dad.  I hate the whole deal.  And someday, probably in the next year, Patrick will be asking to go see his dad.

Per the judge.  Not until he's 17.