Bully or Bullied?

Patrick is suspended from his before and after school program for 4 days.  He's lucky he wasn't expelled because he'd been warned,  but the director decided to just suspend.  Thank God. I don't know what I'd do if he was kicked out.

So here's what happened. The kids were playing a game similar to dodge ball and Patrick got upset because it was supposed to be his turn. He felt helpless and so pushed the other boy down.  He was made to sit out but he was really angry. He hit the wall several times and kicked the table.

About 15 minutes later the counselors heard a really loud scream.  Patrick took down the kid who screamed and almost broke his arm.

Patrick's explanation was the other boy had screamed in his ear and scratched him twice in the belly. At the time I said that my problem was how he himself had acted and the director and I had a long talk with him.

He's grounded for 2 days, which may not sound like much but he has to stay in his room. He doesn't normally spend time in there but he hates being grounded. He will also be visiting his therapist.

I've been thinking, though, about what the other boy did.  If Patrick was scratched twice on his belly along with a loud scream in the ear, was he bullied first?  The other boy is an antagonist anyway. He did something to Patrick whether you want to label it general rough housing or attacking. Even if Patrick wasn't already upset about the game, he would have reacted in some way although I pray not as violently.  I'd really like to see if there's video in that room.

I'd also like to reiterate to the director that from now on I'd like the counselor to referee the game instead of sitting off to the side in her own world. You have 1st through 5th graders playing a game where you throw a ball at each other. Some of them throw waaaay too hard. Luckily my kid doesn't throw well so we should be ok there.

Patrick is worried about attending middle school because he doesn't want to be bullied. Did this factor in to his reaction? Does he have some deep anger issues because he hasn't seen his dad in 6 years?

Comments are welcome. I'm going to go find some chocolate.

Bronchitis Fallout

October:
After coughing for 2-1/2 weeks, I agreed with Ms. Ogre that I should see the doctor.  My appointment was for Friday, 2 days later. Too bad I had to leave early from work.

The doctor diagnosed the bronchitis and said she wanted me to be off Monday and Tuesday.  My first thought was why, I should be much better by then.  I said I didn't want to take Tuesday off, but she was adamant that I take Monday off.  I actually felt happy that I could have a day off, until I was driving down the road and realized that it would be payroll week and I was 2 weeks behind closing Food & Beverage so the tips wouldn't be calculated.  Oy.

I stopped back at work and picked up the paperwork I needed to work from home Monday.  <sigh>  Ms. Ogre wasn't there as she had to leave early, but I let Jane know.  I texted a picture of the doctor's note saying I had to be off Monday to Ms. Ogre.

Now it's Monday.  I sent an email to a manager and copied Ms. Ogre. 

• Ms. Ogre responded by asking why I was working since the doctor gave me a day off. 
• I said that it was payroll week and I hadn't closed for 2 weeks.  I needed to get it done.  I'm still coughing but I feel better than I have in 3 weeks.
• She then asked why I wasn't working in the office.
• I said that the doctor told me to stay home and that it would take me all day to close anyway.

Problem 1: I said that I felt better than I have in 3 weeks.  It's true though.  May as well be truthful.
Reaction 1: Why the hell aren't you in the office then
Reaction 2: Is this going to be a problem where now I'm in trouble for doing what the doctor ordered and what you wanted me to do the first week?


November:
It turns out the boss's reaction was because she didn't know what was going on.  As an auditor, she doesn't tend to trust.  For example, to pay an invoice, the manager has to approve it, the controller approves and codes it, I enter it, the GM approves it and signs the check and then if the check is over a certain amount, the controller co-signs the check.  But when I take work home, I work.  Don't trust me?  Check my emails.  Check my printouts on the work printer.  Check my programs to see the usage.  I don't cheat. 

I'm also really paranoid at this point.  I've already rescheduled 2 dentist visits that were scheduled at my normal leaving time.  I can't reschedule my rheumatologist though.  She's in that office once a week until 3:30pm!  I can't get around dropping Patrick off at school at 8am for chorus practice.  I've rescheduled parent teacher conferences.  I've not gone to the school to see some programs that Patrick has put on. 

I really hate not being at work when I'm supposed to be.  I have a good work ethic but there's a lot going on right now and it's not always up to me when stuff happens.

Is This Heaven?

I went home to Iowa for 3 days and came back re-centered and calm.  I'm two weeks behind in my work but I'm not stressing about it.  I just wish Ms. Ogre could have gotten away, because she's still stressed to the max.  She'll deserve a vacation once budgets are loaded and the annual audit is finished.

I came down with bronchitis and have been told to take Monday off.  I was so excited at first!  Then I realized it's payroll week and I'm...two weeks behind.  I will be working from home for a while Monday.  And I'll keep track so the time isn't taken off my sick days.

I was looking at my calendar and realized that I'll be late to work Tuesday, leaving early Wednesday, late the next Tuesday, leaving early that same day, and...one more.  No wonder I haven't scheduled my mammogram!  (TMI??)  At what point do I get in trouble for the medical appointments that have to be scheduled during the day?  Oh, the last one was my rheumatologist.  How could I forget that one?!

Brain Vomit

After feeling tense and unable to vent my feelings to someone, I suddenly realized, "OH WAIT.  I HAVE A BLOG."  It was a "duh" kind of moment.

So you're going to start seeing some more posts.  The main subject will be problems at work, as a way to document some things that are going on.  Brain Vomit, coming up!

I also wanted to update on Patrick.  He went to a new psychiatrist today, the one that will keep track of his meds.  She was recommended by 4 people, and they were right to recommend her.  She spent an hour and a half with us today and she changed his meds to an extended dose of Ritalin.  Thank goodness!  She said the one he has been on is only a 3 hour dose.  This new one will be eight!  The teacher will be so relieved.  She also noticed slight symptoms of Asperger's so she said we'll keep an eye on it.  I'd heard that before from his therapist, so no worries.  Besides, it's not like he all of a sudden has something.  It's just a new word for him.  Who knew all the talking on and on and on would be low spectrum autism?  Huh.

The short story of work is new boss, new boss's boss to be hired, reduction in the workload due to RA, shuffling of work to even the load for everyone in the office, lack of budget money for extra help next summer, new boss, new boss, and new boss (same one, just lots of issues).

A Sample
This is what will keep me up tonight.  Technically, it IS keeping me up tonight.  I requested Friday, Oct. 4th off around a month ago.  Received permission and then decided not to take the trip.  ...supposedly I let my boss, Ms. Ogre, know that I wouldn't be taking off...  I decided that with all the stress, I should take that trip afterall.  If the bosom of the family can't make it better, nothing will!  But I informed her the 2nd time.  She didn't like that.  And it's fiscal year end, a very bad time to go.  Could I go a different weekend?  Yes, except homecoming is this weekend and I've missed it for 7 years.  She said she almost told me Wednesday that I couldn't go but she knew she'd "hear about it."  Whatever.

I planned ahead and, to make up for taking Friday off, I worked from home on Sunday, 7.1 hours.  I meant to work more the rest of the week in the evenings, but I wasn't feeling good all week.  So the discussion today was that I was informed we're never doing this again at year end.  Even though I reminded her again that I'd worked 7 hours from home on Sunday, Ms. Ogre wouldn't acknowledge it and understand that I'm a day ahead of where I would have otherwise been.  That's what makes me the maddest.  Whenever we have a discussion, she needs to one-up me, and prove to me what she's saying, and refuse to understand what I'm trying to say.  She then repeats it 3 or 4 times so that it starts feeling like an argument.  Did I mention this is her first management job?

Future Brain Vomit entries will discuss the legal definition of my job.  I'm salaried non-exempt which means I'm supposed to be paid overtime.  That's being called into question.  I need to be more like Jane, see?  Isn't she such a good employee for working extra and not getting paid for it?  She'll have some comp time when she wants.  Isn't she such a good girl?  Well, sure, if you want to break the law that way instead since legally you can't pay via comp time.

Oh the Brain Vomit that's coming!

Thanks for listening.  I know people with much bigger problems.  I keep them in my prayers!  (Love ya babe!)

Dealing with the Ex: Mr. Charming

This post might be more dangerous than any other.  Why, you ask?  Well, because a long time ago, someone told me I'm still in love with the Ex.  WHAT?!

Mr. Charming.  Many people can see the intelligence and charm right away.  Eventually the jerk can be seen, but until then, Mr. C is IN.  Don't get me wrong.  Mr. C will not win me back.  But, oh, how I miss the intellectual conversations!

I just texted back and forth with Mr. C for about half an hour.  About phone carriers.  Cell phones.  POT PIES.  Now I find myself wanting to send him the recipe for my pot pies, which Patrick says is the best thing he's ever eaten.  I know if I sent it I'd ask him to tell me how to spice it right, because that's my weakness in recipes.  The running joke in our marriage was that Mr. C could take cat food and sawdust and make a gourmet meal.  There were so many times when I'd look in the cupboards and couldn't find anything to make, and Mr. C would walk in there and whip something up that was DE-LISH.

Honestly, though, the root of his problems is sex.  Call it sex addiction if you'd like (I don't, he does), but if he just kept him thing in his pants, things would have been better.  Mr. Charming.

Still a jerk.

Vacations and Surprises

Patrick was gone for two weeks on his vacation to my parents.  Technically it was supposed to be both my parents and my sister, but my sister had something come up.  And Patrick was at a camp for a few days too.  I've really had some angst about the visits because there aren't any kids on their block and my parents don't really know people who could do play dates.  And my mom is all about unplugging.  I figured Patrick would be bored out of his gourd!

Turns out....I was wrong.

After picking Patrick up from camp, they spent a night at home.  Then they took their camper to a kid friendly camp.  (Dad must have just loved that.)  They had a really good time though.  Patrick got to ride his bike around the campground without fear.  The campground owners gave some kind of rides to the kids too, but Patrick wasn't real clear on that part of the story.

Once home, Grandma took him on the different nature trails in the area to ride bikes.  Grandpa spent time with him in several ways.  Once they spent 45 minutes watching a pile driver out on a country road.  He helped Patrick build an erector set digger, which took a few days.  He played miniature golf.  He allowed Patrick to play with a remote controlled boat, which unfortunately sunk when Patrick tried to launch it with his hand.  Patrick ended up wading pretty far into the pond to get it back out!

I, on the other hand, worked.  I finally let my bosses and co-workers know that I would be giving back some of the work I've taken on in the last few years because I couldn't keep up with the "traditional" job duties.  And that my hands hurt.  A lot.  So my goal is to hand back work that is not mine to do.  Wish me luck, because I'm sitting here typing this and getting ready to do it!  I also went to a movie -- The Heat with Sandra Bullock.  Hilarious!

But I digress.  Back to the vacation part.
I don't recall having fun with my dad.  There's a very real possibility that we miniature golfed.  Once.  I just don't remember.  I remember the work and chores quite clearly.  Handing him tools, baling hay, mucking stalls, picking up sticks.  I probably would've been the kind to enjoy watching a pile driver for 45 minutes.  (I have spent more than that watching cool things with Patrick - like a paver, and the railroad repair equipment.  Now THAT was cool!)

While I wish I had more memories of having fun with my dad, I'm eternally grateful Patrick has had those experiences with him.  My parents are in their 70's and the whole family is thinking there may not be too many more years like this one. 

Dealing with the Ex: Mr. Visitation Avoider

When the ex and I first split up, we had a temporary visitation schedule.  It was the standard one, where the non-custodial parent gets Patrick every other weekend plus every Wednesday. (I think every Wednesday.  Maybe every other?)

Patrick was one year old.  Mr. VA couldn't handle it.  I started keeping track of his lack of ability to take the kid, even long enough to do my shopping!  He'd forget or cancel for various reasons, including his daughter this or his girlfriend that or his work the other.

We kept the same schedule for the divorce decree.  It wasn't much better afterwards, but at least it was only for a few months.

Due to reasons I can't yet go into, visitation was curtailed by the courts.  Mr. VA was allowed one hour, supervised visits only.  Thankfully our town has an official visitation center.  Michael would meet me when I came in the front door, and he'd use his keycard to take Patrick to a room where Mr. VA was waiting.  Mr. VA had to come in a back door and not have any contact with me, or with Patrick outside of the room.  (Although a few times we saw each other outside.  He couldn't seem to remember to park in the back of the building!)

Visits went well.  I was hating Mr. VA at the time, so I didn't like hearing Patrick laughing.  But it was ok because Michael was watching and taking notes for the judge.
Eventually the judge handed down his decision and there was no more visitation.  The last time Mr. VA saw Patrick in person was when Patrick was three.  It's been six years now.

It's hard for Patrick because he doesn't have a dad.  He doesn't do Father's Day.  He can't go play catch with his dad.  He sees other kids with their dad.  He hears talk about the dads.

Patrick eventually started thinking that his dad hates him.  His dad doesn't "want" to see him.  I started thinking maybe I'd let them talk on the phone.  It seemed relatively harmless and I would be supervising.  It made me Mad As HeII though.  Patrick's therapist was ok with it.  So they started talking.

I allowed Sunday evenings only.  But Mr. VA can't keep to that.  And he keeps calling after he knows Patrick is in bed.  And then he'll text to ask when he can talk again.  Seriously?  I said Sunday evenings!

Eventually Patrick realized he didn't know where his dad lived and didn't know what he looked like.  And eventually the therapist suggested Skype.

That's borderline against the judge's order.  The phone was bad enough.  Skype?!  Fine. ok.

Mr. VA enjoys seeing his son.  Patrick enjoys seeing his dad.  I hate the whole deal.  And someday, probably in the next year, Patrick will be asking to go see his dad.

Per the judge.  Not until he's 17.